


Virgil Would Like Some Cuddles

by 1ragingrice



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Minor panic attack, Shippy if you Squint, Slow Burn, he gets lots of hugs, he gets one, with a dash of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 13:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20064781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1ragingrice/pseuds/1ragingrice
Summary: virgil finds out that he actually likes physical affection but doesnt know how to communicate that so it takes awhile to get comfy





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> like a year ago, i asked for some art from trashbincat on instagram (danny) and i told them i would write a story for them, anything. and they asked for some virgil cuddles. this was supposed to be really short, but now its long, and i procrastinated so heres this. sorry danny!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 714 words

"-But Logan, it's a great idea! I don't see any flaws in it. I think you're being silly!" Roman and Logan were at it again. Their usual argument on why or why not an idea is good and if Thomas should do it.

They're in front of the living rooms TV, blocking Patton's view. Though Patton's not complaining. He even popped some popcorn.

Logan tries to calmly explain why Romans idea is not okay. "I'm not being 'silly', Roman, you are. You are asking Thomas to spend almost all his money on something he would only ever use once. Money, which he cannot afford to spend."

"He can sell it once he's done with it." Roman is getting exasperated with this conversation. Luckily, Virgil entered the room.

He heads over to the side of the room where Patton was sitting on the couch, still eating his popcorn. When he sees Virgil heading towards him he pats the spot next to him and wordlessly offers him popcorn.

Virgil takes the seat and some popcorn. He watches for a moment, trying to figure out what they're arguing about. When he can't figure out what it is he leans over to Patton to ask.

"Roman wants to buy a ginormous inflatable obstacle course for a challenge video and Logan said no." Patton didn't even look at Virgil, eyes glued on Roman and Logan as if they were a program on the TV.

Virgil nods in understanding.

"-like the time you thought it would be a good idea to buy a Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, and you almost shot yourself in the eye?" Logan raises an eyebrow, daring Roman to go against him.

A quiet "ooh, shots fired" comes out of Virgil's mouth, only loud enough for Patton to hear.

"Hey! You promised never to tease me about that!" Of course Roman took the dare. The two argued on but Patton broke his gaze from them to look at Virgil.

Patton's eyes are widening as he says "Did you just make a pun???" He's looking at Virgil like an excited puppy.

"I- um, uh, y-yes?" Virgil was unsure of the reaction he'd get from Patton.

Patton squeals and shakes his fists near his face. He gets closer to Virgil in his excitement. "Oh my gosh! I'm so proud of you!" Patton is about to go for a hug but shrinks back after remembering that Virgil doesn't like to be touched, so he asks "can I hug you?" And the way he asks it makes Virgil smiles a little and nod, giving into the father's love of dad jokes and hugs.

The excitement returns full force. Patton bear hugs Virgil, being careful not to squeeze too hard. He holds the hug, resting his chin on Virgil's shoulder.

Virgil is shocked. He relaxed into the hug after realizing it isn't a threat in any way, shape, or form. His arms come up to circle around Patton, returning the hug. 'This feels good' he thinks.

All too soon, Patton pulls back. Patton's smile is bright like the sun. Virgil looks away. He feels Patton squeeze his shoulder before standing up. "Okay, kiddos! I think it's time to take a break from debating to have lunch. Besides, this should be a group decision." He giggles a little and heads to the kitchen, taking the popcorn with him.

After lunch, Virgil was left to himself. The other sides knowing he valued his alone time. But this time Virgil didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to deal with all the jumbled thoughts in his head. 'Why did the hug feel good? Why do I not want to be alone? What was good about the hug? Should I ask for more? What if Patton thinks that's weird?' This, and many other questions flitted through his head.

He came to the conclusion that the hug felt good because it’s Patton, and Patton is the heart of all feelings. And Patton was super happy and excited. It could have just rubbed off on him. It's not like that hasn't happened before, making Roman sad when Patton was feeling depressed, or making Logan laugh when Patton is feeling silly. Ya, that's it. Patton made Virgil feel happy because he was excited.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 709 words

A couple days later, Virgil still feels the same. Weird. He'd find himself wanting to reach out and touch the others. To pull them into a hug, or to grab their hand and lace their fingers together. He's had enough of this weird feeling. So he's heading to Logan's room right now.

Three quick raps on the door, and he hears a "come in!" He enters and closes the door with a careful push. Logan is sitting at his desk, still absorbed into his work. When silence follows, he pauses his work and swivels around to face Virgil.

"Oh! Hello, Virgil. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" He fiddles with his tie.

"Well, I've been having these weird feelings, and I was hoping you could help me." Logan looks surprised.

"Shouldn't you go to Patton for this if it is about feelings?"

"I would, but this is about him. Just listen, please?"

"Ok." Logan gestures for them to sit on the bed together. They've done this before. Whenever Virgil needed to talk to someone, he would likely go to Logan's. Logan never raised his expectations of him too high. He was always grounded in logic, and Virgil liked that. They sat in front of each other, crisscross applesauce. Virgil slumped inside his large hoodie and Logan poised as if he were ready to meditate.

Logan waited for Virgil to continue.

"... Okay, well- um. Do you remember a couple days ago when you and Roman had a fight?" Logan looked like he was about to correct Virgil but just nodded. "Well I made a pun and Patton hugged me."

"I do not understand what the problem is"

"I liked it." Only silence follows.

"I still do not see the problem."

Virgil groans. "I don't know if I liked it because it was Patton or because it was a hug. You see..." He fiddles with his hoodie sleeves. "I've never had a hug before."

"Oh."

"Ya."

"Do you wish to conduct an experiment?" Logan looked both hopeful and cautious.

Virgil was cautious too. "Maybe?"

"You can have physical contact with me and the others to see if it feels the same. If you would like, you can start by giving me a hug."

"Umm" Virgil wasn't sure.

"Unless!" he was quick to reassure. "You're uncomfortable with that."

"No, no. It's okay. I'll do it."

"Good." Logan got off the bed in one movement.

"Right now?"  
"Yes, why not?" Virgil just shrugs and gets off the bed. "Okay, now I'm going to give you a hug. Is that okay?" Virgil nods, so Logan moves forward and slips his arms underneath Virgil’s, forcing Virgil to put his arms over Logan’s shoulders. They rested their heads on each other’s shoulders.

"This feels nice" Virgil says. Logan's arms tighten around him.

"Good. I do also like it." Virgil relaxes more into the hug. Slumping a little and curving his body around Logan's.

Minutes must have passed before Logan pulls back. He keeps his hands at Virgil's side, and looks at Virgil's face. "I think, in conclusion that you enjoy hugs in general. It is not the side effect of Patton being too excited."

Virgil nods slowly, coming to terms with this new information.

"I hope I helped you solve your dilemma?"

"I- yes, you did." Virgil felt conflicted now. What is he supposed to do now? He said this to Logan. "What am I supposed to do with this information?"

Logan pauses before answering, thinking about is words before saying them. "I think, Virgil, that is up to you. If you want to ask us for more hugs or physical contact, then you can do that. But if you feel uncomfortable doing so, then you can also do nothing with this information. I do suggest talking to the others to gather more information. And I offer myself to you if you ever want or need physical contact."

"Um, thank you, Logan. Is it alright if I think about this by myself?"

"Of course. You are always welcome to come to me for any other problems or to talk to me. My doors are open to you." With the last statement Virgil nods his head and shows himself out the door.


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1082 words

The room is dark. You can't hear anything except the slight sound of Virgil breathing. He's lying on his bed, just thinking. He's been thinking a long time. Patton came by a bit ago at dinner time to only get a grunt from him. Patton didn't bother him further, knowing that Virgil got like this sometimes. He just saved some leftovers for Virgil when he's ready to eat.

"Knock knock! Guess who's here?"

Virgil sighs. "Is it a talking tub of gel?"

The door opens and in steps Roman. He gasps in offense. "I do not use that much gel!"

"Oh, please, come in. Make yourself at home." Virgil just wanted to be alone right now. Roman though, didn't get that memo and is making his way towards the bed to sit.

"Hello, big ball of dark sunshine! What movie do you want to watch tonight?"

Virgil forgot it was his turn to pick the movie for movie night. "Umm, I forgot it was my turn? So you can pick something for me. Anything you want to pick is okay."

Roman started off excited. "Oh my gosh! Really!?" But then became suspicious. "But wait. Why?"

"I'm just having some conflicting feelings, nothing big. I just don't want to watch a movie tonight."

"Oh! What troubles you, my chemically imbalanced romance?" He says with concern etched onto his face.

"You've used that one before..."

"Well, I care more about you and your wellbeing than being creative, at the moment."

"I- uh... I found something out about myself, and I don't know what to do with that information." Virgil focuses on his hands folded on his lap.

"Do you want to tell me what that is?" Roman said with caution. Virgil looks at him with distaste on his face. "You don't have to, though!"

Virgil sighs. "I found out that I actually like," Virgil shakes his head, "physical touch." He finishes with lifting his hand into the air as if he would make contact with something and dropping it along with his head.

Now Roman looks confused. "I... do not understand?"

Virgil runs his hand over his face. "Roman, I'm Anxiety. I'm anxious about everything."

"Ohhh. Okay... I still don't get it. You must know that you are always welcome to hug us or cuddle and stuff. Well maybe not Logan all the time." Roman shrugs.

"It's not that. I know that. It's that fact that's making me anxious. What happens if I open myself up but I get uncomfortable with how much you'll touch me? Or what if I come off as needy. Or what if it's awkward. There's also my reputation to consider. And- and." Virgil doesn't get to finish. Interrupted by his breathing picking up speed and Roman placing his hands on Virgil's shoulders.

"Virgil, if you do or don't like something, you tell us. We can't read you as easily as Patton. So if you want to take baby steps towards cuddling, tell us, and we can do that. But you need to communicate. Okay?"

Virgil nodded crisply.

Virgil waited for Roman to go away like he normally does when he thinks his work is done, but he continued to sit there, staring at Virgil. It made him uncomfortable, having Romans eyes on him this long.

“What? Why are you still looking at me?”

“I still can't read your mind. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable by not knowing what you want. And I'm sure you don't want to be uncomfortable either.”

“I'll tell you what's on my mind. You staring at me like a creep makes me uncomfortable.”

Roman averts his eyes and changes his posture, but makes no move to leave the room. “Please tell me what you're thinking! Please! I would love to cuddle or hold hands with you but only if you're comfortable with it. But I don't know what you're comfortable   
with!” Roman made as if to grab Virgil's hands in desperation but stopped himself.

Virgil thinks about it for a moment. Forming what he wants to say in his head. He had thought about this a lot, what he wants. He wants to experiment with touch. To test his boundaries, to see what he likes and doesn't like. To see what he's comfortable with or not. 

He thought of all this and how to say it and said it to Roman. He worried he said the wrong thing because Roman didn't say or do anything for a couple moments. But then one of those heart-warming, reassuring smiles broke across Romans face. 

“I have a great idea!” That didn't sound good. “I will offer my body for whatever you want to try. I will not question it, or try to push you. In fact! You can push me any way you want!” Virgil sputtered at the end of Romans thought.

Finally, he got out something. “Wait, what? No! I'm not going to use you! That's stupid!”

Still, Roman smiled, and shook his head. “I don't think you understand what I'm suggesting. Here, let me give you an example.” Roman held out his hands, relaxed, as if he wanted a high five. He jerked his head in suggestion for Virgil to put his own hand on his.

Virgil does so. Their hands touching in the air between them. Virgil was confused. What was Roman on about?

“Now, you can explore my hand. Become familiar with just touching my hand. Something simple, and you're in control. Whether you want to touch like this, hold hands, or move it around. You can do whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel good. I won't judge you, or stop you.” Virgil nods in understanding.

Virgil takes Romans hand down and holds it between his two hands. He runs his fingers all over his hand. From palm, to fingertip, Virgil let his curiosity run. It was like the Tarzan and Jane scene. 

After Virgil was satisfied with his exploration, he links hands with Roman and rests their hands in between them.

“Roman! Virgil! Come down here! Its movie night!” Virgil releases his hand when they hear Patton's yell.

“Well, we better go down there. Are you alright to watch the movie with us?” Roman was always careful around Virgil, like as if he were glass, and would shatter any moment. Virgil was fine, now. Thanks to Roman. He nodded his head and got up to go downstairs, Roman falling behind him. Before leaving the room, Virgil brushed their hands together.


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1065 words

“Virgil! Would you pause for a moment? I would like to speak with you.” Virgil had been about to descend the stairs for breakfast when Logan’s voice stopped him. Turning on the spot, he waited for Logan to catch up to him. 

When Logan reached the top of the stairs where Virgil stood, he composed himself. He straightened his tie, patted his hair and shirt down, and adjusted his glasses. “Would you accompany me to my room to talk?”

“Sure.”

Virgil made the trek back down the hallway, but instead of to his room, he entered Logan's. He was already nervous because of Logan's question to talk, but now he was anxious because Logan closed the door behind them and locked it. 

“Wh-what did you want to talk about?” Virgil hated that his voice was shaking. 

“How has your experiment been going?” Virgil breathed out in relief. Logan was just inquiring about the “experiment.”

“Fine, I guess. Roman helped me a bit. Let me become familiar with his hands.”

“Oh! So you are trying things other than hugs. I'll have to consider that in my new equation and hypothesis…” Logan drifted off. 

“Umm, Logan, I don't think that's necessary. This is me exploring my feelings, not some science experiment. Okay?” He saw Logan deflate just the tiniest bit before Logan closed off. 

“Of course. I did not mean anything by it. I was just trying to better your understanding of this feeling.”

Virgil thought for a moment before making a decision, regardless of his pounding heart. He touched Logan’s arms with the tips of his fingers. Logan flinched. Virgil flinched, too but continued. He pulled Logan’s arms slightly. Logan didn't resist, and was pulled into a hug. 

This hug was reversed from their first hug. Virgil's arms were wrapped around Logan’s waist while Logan’s arms were forced to go over Virgil's shoulders. “Maybe, Logan, you're just as confused as me. But don't worry. We can work through this together.”

Their arms tightened around each other. They held on for just a moment longer. Logan was the first to pull away, but not fully. “Maybe later we can practice this-” he gestures at the both of them, “-and get some breakfast for now?” Virgil has never heard Logan  
sound so unsure. He nodded his consent and Logan moves one hand to link with Virgil’s.

Virgil looked at their hands and back at Logan to find he was already looking at him. He tightened his grip in his hand and moved towards the door.

Their hands stayed linked all the way down stairs and into the dining room. Patton was finishing setting up the table when they crossed the threshold. He lit up when he saw the two come in. His eyes did a quick scan of them and noticed their hands linked. 

Virgil noticed that he noticed and tried to pull away but Logan tightened his grip. 

“Virgil and I are doing an experiment. Holding hands is part of it. I have a few hypotheses’ but I have not gotten a conclusion yet. When I do, I’ll tell you all about it, Patton.” Logan said in one breath. He ended with a small smile at Patton.

That reassured Patton. He smiled and gestured for them to sit. “Oh! Ok, well just as long as it's consensual and no one gets hurt.” Virgil stopped struggling and took his spot next to Logan at the table.

The table was a small rectangle that could sit six people if needed but only ever sat four, sometimes five if Thomas was there. No one ever sat at the head of the table because they all felt they were entitled to sit there. Of the four men, each thinks of the other equally. 

On one side, Logan and Virgil were already seated. On the other came Roman, sitting in front of Logan and last to sit down was Patton in front of Virgil and next to Roman. They had always sat like that. It seems like an illogical seating chart if you know them for even five minutes but it works for them. The two quiet members, Virgil and Logan, on one side. They needing coffee and some semblance of peace. The early birds, Patton and Roman, are on the other side where they make lots of noise, though still trying to respect the night owls. 

Virgil liked this unofficial seating chart they've established. He likes the quiet and Logan doesn't like talking during meal times, deeming it illogical to waste time communicating when fueling one’s body. Patton, who sits across from him seems to understand Virgil and never shouts and tries to keep the loudness on his side of the table. Virgil hates mornings but he gets up anyway or else Patton will wake him gently and not leave the room, like the dad he is, until he gets up. Or worse, Roman will try to sing him awake.

He really hates the mornings though, but knows that if he doesn't get up for breakfast, he won't get up all day and have no food. He's done that before. He had to go to the hospital because of how long he went without food or water. Anything he tried to eat, he would throw up. He didn't like the IV in his hand so he makes sure to get up every morning to get a delicious breakfast from Patton.

Virgil doesn't like people either. They don't call him Anxiety for no reason. But he does like the other three members of their group. And that's what makes it worth coming down for breakfast. So he sees the elation Patton gets when someone compliments his food. So he doesn't see the worried look Roman gets if he doesn't get up. So he can enjoy the simplicity of Logan sitting next to him and the small smile he receives when they make eye contact because words are not needed. Words are not needed for any of them. And Virgil likes that.

He looks at Logan until he looks up from his plate, and gives him a small smile. He looks across the table and does the same to the other two. He understands the looks, and they understand his looks.

'Thank you for being there for me always. I love you.'

'We will always be there for you. We love you, too.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think like, one or two more chapters??? idk, let me know. constructive criticism is appreciated. tell me if ive made any mistakes or if i need to add any tags

**Author's Note:**

> btw... its still not done...


End file.
